Wil,

I'm so sad to hear about what your parents did to you and how they treated you. Writing about it can be the exact catharsis you need, get all of the words out and you can put it behind you, finally. You'll never be able to forget but you can get a step ahead.

My mother was similarly abusive--never physical but her verbal jabs (always said when nobody was around to witness it...and she was this charming and social person to everyone who knew her) were her attempt to undermine me. In the end (she's been dead for ten years now) I triumphed. I'm a nice person. My daughter, now 38, LOVES ME and tells me I am the best mother in the world.

The only person my Mom ever let see her verbal abuse was my daughter. Just enough that my daughter asked me about it once she was an adult and I told her some of what her grandmother put me through as a child and ongoing through my life.

I was lucky though. I had an amazing father. He was a thoughtful parent and his respect for me as an individual was something I couldn't ignore. He and I had a rough patch when I was a mid-teen when I finally started calling my Mom on her bullshit. He only saw a disrespectful teen because Mom never let him hear the ridiculous, mean-spirited things she would say to me. Thankfully, we were on best of terms when he died. I was only 19.

His unflinching love for me has given me everything I need. And I'm strong and self-reliant and have incredible love in my life.

I stuck by my Mom through her life. Incredibly, loving her was the poke in her eye she needed. She died knowing she had been shitty to me. Karma.

Now, I don't have to worry about her assaults. I was in my fifties when she died and her death was sad and I miss her sometimes but I'm free now, truly free of that damned feeling when I'd be doing my best and she would find something to criticize.

So, I hear you man. Keep writing. Keep going. You've got miles to go, room for healing and more (so much more!) and you are putting everything that has happened to you in its proper perspective.

I hope you still have the elephant! Such a sweet moment when you find out that someone you think the world of also thinks the world of you. Imagine that!

Here is a story I wrote about my relationship with my Mom.

https://medium.com/women-writing-memoir/beautiful-but-oh-the-sting-a4a903d89cb2