Shaunta,

The new doctor is doing you such a huge favor. When I read your articles about your in-laws there is a not so subtle undertone (that I see because I’ve been a caregiver) of what taking care of them can do to you. Anytime you can let go of the overwhelming sense of responsibility for their care it will only help you in the end. I think this is just as important as what you do to give yourself better health now.

I’m 62. No matter what I’ve done to give myself a better shot at long term health there is still the fact that my stress level was extremely high when I was in my 40’s and early 50’s. My first husband got cancer when I was 45 and I was his advocate and care giver. Then I had the stress of putting life into some sort of livable order after he died. I repartnered (and remarried eventually) a man with a teenager in crisis which was probably more stressful than any of the first two parts of my story. Lastly, seeing my mother going through her final years and while not her primary caregiver I was still called upon to make decisions and to take over when my exhausted brother and sister-in-law were overtaxed with her care (because their son was terminally ill) …well it was just a crushing one after another bowling ball of pressure.

Shortly after my Mom died and during the worst of my step-daughter’s acting out I had a heart attack. I was at my thinnest, I was exercising and had been exercising for years but I literally had episodes of daily escalation of her negative behavior going on around me.

So, yeah, who cares if your in-laws eat like crap? I know you care- but you can’t care more than they do, if that makes sense. Even though they are altered, maybe its enough if you keep them from burning down your house or wandering off in the cold. Stuff like that. I don’t mean to be glib but I’m coming from a place where I was juggling with balls of fire when I could have just grabbed some oranges to juggle with instead.

Yes, it is important for your husband to make good choices for better health but don’t forget about you.

Looking back I think I did a lot for myself. The situation was pretty extreme though so I didn’t have an adequate pressure valve. Running away from it would have been a good idea (kidding not kidding).

Take care of yourself girl.