Member-only story
My Corona
When you gonna give to me, a gift to me
Is it just a matter of time, Corona?
I quit kissing my husband 9 days ago.
I’m old enough to know that some day I’ll be able to kiss him again and old enough to be one of the “at risk” for death by Corona. I have several pre-existing conditions that were I to contract the virus I would probably die. Today I found out they might not even let me have a respirator. I can see the conversation with some space-suited medical professional in my head.
“If only you’d worked out. Too fat. No respirator for you lady.”
I order groceries through Instacart. I’ve been doing this for two years now. I think Instacart should give me extra attention, honor their same day turn around like now is the same as “the old days”. I even pay their premium membership fee and still, Monday when I ordered I had to wait until Thursday for my groceries.
I’m using Kleenex for toilet paper. We still have extra but that’s not a lot when you consider there hasn’t been any in the stores for a week now. I threatened my husband with cutting up his old-holey-wear-to-change-the-oil-in-the-car t-shirts to use for wiping our asses. It didn’t go over well. He loves those t-shirts.
He doesn’t really change the oil in our cars, that’s just what we call those t-shirts.
