John died eighteen years ago. I'm not stuck in the loop. I grieve though. I will always grieve how it is to go through life unable to feel his breath. John was my first husband. When he died I remember being very afraid that something could happen to take my daughter from me too. I felt like I couldn't endure that as a loss. It would have been too much.

I still don't know. I read your words, and understand your words but I haven't really had the experience except to consider it in this world where there IS cancer and death.

I've written about the signs. It's okay to believe them as far as I'm concerned. John deals me an inexplicable hand of signs. The things he whispers in my ear in that time between sleep and not sleep are clues. Then I ask for something tangible and he never disappoints. I don't know if this is unique to us or if anyone with a loved one on the other side can ask. I hope you'll give it a try.

Your writing is profound. And I'm sure it's helping people who've lost someone significant.

Peace to you. Peace and connection.