I’m so sorry you are having to go through this nightmare. As I read it I was thinking about what happened to my Mom before she died. She lived to be 88 and took good care of herself (exercised, didn’t smoke, ate very well) and took good care of her finances. It was still very difficult managing her decline even with the money she had put aside and her social security.

She lived with my brother and sister-in-law who thankfully were in a good situation to invite her to live with them. She started living with them at 84. Prior to that she lived alone (my father died when she was 50 and she never remarried). She had a two very good, fun years living with them but then she started to decline. I spent the last two years of her life going back and forth from Florida to North Carolina to help my sibling and his wife with her. Just being the stand in person was difficult. I was away from home so much.

It got to the point that my sister-in-law drew a firm line (good for her) about what she was and wasn’t willing to do. So, we were planning to move Mom to a really lovely assisted living (of course only possible because my Mom had her own money) but there was only enough money for five years and then I don’t know what would have happened. She never got to the assisted living. She began a quick decline and died a week before she was supposed to move in.

Having my sister-in-law making decisions was very helpful. There was less emotion involved (she loved my Mom but this wasn’t HER Mom). I feel for you being in a place of deciding things for them and they have so royally bungled managing and planning for their own decline. Nobody can know what will happen though…so I hope for peace for you.

Take care of yourself and please be gentle with yourself. This is a lot to deal with on so many levels.