"I’d hoped that I’d have a solid relationship with her spirit, a “continuing bond” that made her feel close."

This is how I've endured the loss of my husband, John. Sometimes it feels like I'm pretending but the truth is the bond is real and I remind myself that it really couldn't be any other way. Never mind remarriage, never mind our original vows (not even death has parted us completely and his death merely keeps him out of physical reach. )

It will be 20 years the next time I pass the anniversary of his death. The deep pain has truly subsided. I don't know how this goes when you lose a child but this is my experience with losing my spouse. I still cry over this loss and then sweet memories creep in and I smile.

Life is a continuum.

I still have moments when I want him back although when I dream it to be so, it's awkward because my husband is in the dream too. Everyone is in accord but in the dreams I don't know which way to turn.

Thanks for writing as you do. Grief is a kinship borne of having our hearts ripped out and flung through the screen that obscures the other side, knowing our hearts are still needed here and still beating over there,. It is exhausting work to patch or heal or maybe just grow scar tissue so life isn't a misery every single day.