I grew up in a family where there was no chance we would run out of food. My Dad had a good job and my Mom was frugal. Where I ran into trouble was that my Mom thought everyone ate too much…and she doled out the portions. My Dad was overweight and Mom was worried about how he looked. She didn’t want any of her kids to be fat either as it would reflect poorly on her as a mother.

One of my brother’s was fat. There were five of us siblings. I remember constant talk about how fat my brother was. Chubby cheeks, slightly overweight…I’ve seen pictures of him from when we were kids- he really wasn’t all that extra.

At the dinner table, there was competition for food…if it was served family style. So my Mom quit putting bowls of food on the table and began plating our food. It was on the meager side. I remember being hungry. I thought it was me…that I was just a pig. I was super thin as a little kid. Of course, the minute I started cooking for myself I gained weight. There was no real sense of balance about food for me.

One of my brother’s got his first girlfriend pregnant and married her at 19. They got married and came to live with us during summers until he finished college. It wasn’t until I was an adult and talked to my SIL about being around our dinner table that I could see that my mother was stingy with food. My sister-in-law has told me how hungry she was, trying to feed her pregnancy with what my Mom portioned out to her. She told me she used to sneak to the fridge in the middle of the night to eat. I never got close to the refrigerator- and didn’t realize it was so off limits until I discussed this with my SIL

Just recently I discussed my weight with the nurse practitioner I see for my health care. The first thing she asked was if anyone in my family was overweight. Out of four grandparents three were overweight. The only thin one was my maternal grandfather- my mother looked just like him. On my Dad’s side, all of his five siblings but one have been overweight their entire adult lives. Until my NP asked, I’d never considered genetics as a part of it.

I have one skinny sibling- he takes after my Mom. My other brothers worry constantly about their weight, always restricting themselves and obsessed with exercise.