Hi Terrye- Like Valerie, you were one of the first writers I noticed here on Medium. Until I found your fiction I didn’t know there were any fiction writing platforms here. I do write other things for the Medium platform but my main focus is fiction writing.

It’s hard to stay focused on that original end goal because of the idea of curation. I’ve found myself too absorbed in wanting curation and most of that is from reading about the success of others. And when I consider the success of others I think to myself, Judy…you are 62 years old and still worried about what other people are doing? Seriously?

I thought I had come to grips with that issue years ago. But then that stupid

intermittent positive reinforcement

you’ve spoken of comes into play and somehow I’m having to remind myself, I’m really NOT a mouse in a maze.

Having spent most of my life in the creative arena, a large number of years showing my original ceramics at juried art fairs I’ve reflected on how it feels to see people pouring into the other guy’s booth, dollars in hand and watching them walk out with a purchase.

I’ve also been the favored one, with people streaming into my booth and giving me their dollars.

I try not to let myself forget the time I was next to the lady who was selling work she purchased from a manufacturer, and was presenting as her own, who had tons of paying customers and a fat roll of cash at the end of the show.

You can’t make anyone love you. People like what they like. Sometimes they like what they like because they see other people liking it. Sometimes they will like you in one town and not another.

All you can do is put your best work forward. I’ve had a deep appreciation of that fact for years and year.

And yet…

I’ve been guilty of hitting the publish button on some writing that has not been my best work because I’ve bought into the idea that you have to write often to keep your name fresh on Medium. I’ve been guilty of hitting the publish button on some writing hoping to be curated instead of working harder to write a piece that has been trapped in my head and wants to come out.

So, I’ve been considering not looking at my stats too. Or at least resolving not to worry about curation or claps.

Right now the only decision I’ve made is to follow the weekly prompt at TWK and to exercise my writing muscles with that (because its FUN) instead of trying to have, what…a $3.93 gain in my monthly payout?

Thanks for sharing this, Terrye. Makes me feel a lot less silly having a writer as good as you, feeling the same way I feel.