Great article Debbie. So much here that resonates. My genius idea to try to make new friends was to swim at a public pool...because when you have your head underwater swimming laps that is SUCH a great way to meet people. Lol.

I really never had anyone offer to do anything to help me, I never had anyone (except family) step in and just do stuff for me but I did have one work friend of my husband try to give me "homework". My husband died about five months before my daughter's high school graduation. This work friend of his knew we wanted our daughter to go to college but we ran through all of our savings while he was sick.

She used her influence to get me an appointment with a "Grant Expert". The idea was to help me find grant money so that I'd have some help paying for her college. Before the Grant Expert would talk to us I was to fill in a 12 page questionnaire about her school experience. My daughter is very bright but not a great student and her junior year, when her Dad was diagnosed was a disaster and her senior year we were lucky if she had enough focus to take a test much less study.

It was easy to see there was no way she would get traditional grant monies.

When I failed to complete the questionnaire the friend pestered me about why I hadn't done so. Ten phone calls or more.

My daughter did go to college. She got a few small scholarships by writing personal essays about her loss. (and student loans etc.)

People really don't know how to be helpful unless they have also been widowed or they are extraordinarily empathetic.